Mutterings Of A Mindless Mommy

To explain or not to explain, that is the question. 

 When I am out in public and I see other children Ava’s age doing ‘normal’ 3 year-old things and Ava perhaps off in her own world doing her own thing I often wonder if I should explain it to people who inquire about it.  Ava has times where she can pass as a neurotypical child but if you look closely you’ll notice the nuances between her and her playmates.  However those times where she stops what she’s doing to stim I always get nervous and wonder if I need to explain it.  I have tried saying “she has autism” but I get these looks like “are you kidding me?”  Ava has an endearing smile and in the past few months has become quite aware of her surroundings.  She is not severely affected by autism but she is most definitely affected.  In these situations, once I’ve said she has autism, I then feel like I have to defend it.  I have discovered that the majority of the general public is not aware of autism and the many ways it can manifest.  I was also one of these as I had no clue Ava could possibly be autistic and was a bit surprised by the diagnosis.

I’m new to all of this so while I am comfortable with Ava and her ‘quirks’ I still don’t know how to respond to inquiries, looks, etc when we’re out and about and her “autism is showing“. I’m not usually one to care what other thinks, I’ve always danced to the beat of my own drum, but I find myself feeling nervous in some situations.  When she threw her monster “autism tantrum” at Sea World I smiled and made sure she didn’t injure herself or anyone else; that’s my goal in those types of tantrums.  The looks and comments that I received from everyone just made me uncomfortable in my own skin.  Why should it matter though?  The answer is - it shouldn’t.  When someone asks her what her name is and she doesn’t respond or responds with something that makes no sense like ‘chocolate’ I feel the need to jump in and explain it away.  Is this the right response?  I just don’t know.

I have to get to a point where I have thick skin with regards to the public.  If Ava wants to stop in the middle of the mall to spin and spin then I’ll just make sure she’s in an area without much traffic until I can get her redirected into doing something else.  Sometimes she’s easy to redirect and sometimes not-so-easy.  When given a choice of tantrum or spinning I always choose the spinning.  Hopefully one day, as time passes and I get used to things, I won’t be so nervous and feel the need to explain it to everyone who looks at us weird.