Nick Is My Friend…But
This morning while getting ready for school Alexander tells me “Nick is my friend but sometimes he tells me he’s not and I tell him he just forgot I was his friend.” Hearing that made me sad. Alexander didn’t have a sad look on his face and made the statement matter-of-factly but for some reason it made me sad. Alexander appears to have a desire to have friends but just doesn’t understand the give and take that a friendship requires. Alexander is very rigid and dictative in his play; he is my little Steven Spielberg; he directs all of his play interactions either with friends or family. If someone steps out-of-line, that is does something that is not on that script in his head, he will quickly steer them straight. If we challenge him, as the play therapist has asked us to do, he often-times just goes off and plays by himself.
I have done a lot of reading about Asperger’s Syndrome these past few weeks and the rigidity is a very common-theme among people with Asperger’s Syndrome. Here are some comments I’ve found with regards to rigidity and Asperger’s Syndrome:
From the article How Might AS Appear to a Parent?
Negative behavioral outbursts are most frequently related to frustration, being thwarted, or difficulties in compliance when a particularly rigid response pattern has been challenged or interrupted. Oppositional behavior is sometimes found when areas of rigidity are challenged.
This was under the section entitled ‘Behavior Problems’; most of Alexander’s behavioral issues stem from his rigidity and us challenging it. I have mentioned previously that he is a creature of routine. If his routine is disrupted without warning we never know what kind of reaction we’ll get. More often than not it is an oppositional type of a behavior - from defiance to a meltdown. I used to look at it from the point of view that he was doing this to push my buttons but now that I understand the reasons behind this behavior I look at these times as a time to learn from Alexander and help him help himself get through these stages. A recent example: earlier this week my husband took Alexander to school but had to stop to get gas in the morning. Alexander had a mild-meltdown. He knows the school gates open at a specific time and he was concerned that he would be ‘late’ even though school didn’t actually start until 20 minutes after the gates open. My husband reassured Alexander that he would be there in plenty of time but it did nothing to calm him down. Guess what? They arrived at the school before the gates opened and Alexander had to wait in the car. It was necessary to interrupt his routine as the car needed gas and even though Alexander had a meltdown he was able to see that yes daddy was right and they were at school in plenty of time.
Here is another quote that describes Alexander quite well. This is from the article: The Six Characteristics of Asperger’s Syndrome
The rigidity also makes it difficult for an Asperger child to engage in imaginative play. His interest in play materials, themes, and choices will be narrow, and he will attempt to control the play situation.
This pretty much sums up what I discussed earlier in this entry. He does have an imagination but it is very scripted. When I summed up his most recent play therapy session I described how the therapist said Alexander had problems giving up control and allowing her to take her turn with his carefully placed toys. She will be working with him on this rigidity and hopefully in time he will be more receptive to the gentle challenges we are supposed to be giving him.
