I came across a parenting style when my son was young called Attachment Parenting which is based on Bowlby’s research on attachment theory. It was something I was already doing, somewhat, but when reading more about it I realized that it just felt right. Some people call it hippy parenting but I’m definitely not a hippy. Anyhow, in recent months, I’ve decided that I am very thankful for attachment parenting.
My children are 6.5 and 4.5 and both have serious anxiety problems. My youngest, although her language has blossomed tremendously, cannot articulate to me the reasoning behind her anxieties (aside from them being centered around the vents hehe). So at night, when the kiddos freak out and want to be with momma, I let them.
Part of attachment parenting involves nighttime parenting which for many involves co-sleeping. We co-slept with both children as infants and into toddlerhood then the kiddos migrated into their own beds. In the past year, or so, they’ve both migrated back into our bed. My daughter is in our room on a full-time basis and has a toddler bed setup next to our bed. My son will sometimes sleep in his bed but more often than not is in our bed or sleeping on the couch with daddy (who sometimes sleeps on the couch as well hehe).
I am thankful that we don’t have any preconceived notions of where children should sleep. It isn’t “mommy and daddy’s bed” – it is simply a bed. If the four of us end up in it, then so be it. As a result, my children are able to get restful sleep as are my husband and I. Sure, some nights are rought but it is much better than expecting the kids to stay in their rooms when they are frightened beyond belief.
Some naysayers may say that the children are manipulating us. Dare I say that neither child really has the capacity to manipulate. Neither has ever done something that could be construed as manipulation. The fear in their eyes, the panting of their breath and the heart beating out of their chest sensations are evidence that they are truly in a panic when they come running from their room in the middle of the night.
I know that in time, they will each go back into their own room on a permanent basis. It isn’t common for a high school student to still be co-sleeping with mommy and daddy. In the meantime, I’ll cherish my sweet sleeping children close to me.
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Melissa,
We also have a family-bed arrangement.
Nick coslept with us for his first year – until he started doing cartwheels at night and no one slept. He moved to a pack n play in our room. He had a terrible aversion to his crib in his own room. It just wasn’t worth the tears and struggles.
When I was 7 mos pregnant we moved to our new house. I put the PNP in our rm for the 1st week then moved it to his own room next to his toddler bed. After 2 days he one day refused to take his nap in the PNP – he pointed to his toddler bed and the transition was done.
Miss Meg, at 27 mos is still sleeping in our bed (and nursing as well). She’s slept with us from day 1. Cosleeping and breastfeeding made nighttime parenting EASY AS PIE I tell you.
I get a lot of flack from people and other medical professionals. I hear, “But you’re a NURSE! You should know better!” all. the. time. Pffffft! Then I launch into my correct/incorrect cosleeping methods and how well rested and adjusted mommy and baby can be. Some are convinced, others are not.
I suppose it’s a matter of style and comfort. To each his own, I say, but I know I was the better rested new-mommy!
Wow that is awesome Jenn! I tell you, cosleeping and breastfeeding certainly does make nighttime parenting easy. Like you said, you were the better-rested new mommy.
I’m glad you mentioned correct cosleeping methods. There are definitely certain steps new parents must take to ensure that they are using the safe cosleeping methods. I figure when a major university like Notre Dame has a cosleeping section, it’s a good thing to do.
For those that are wondering what I’m talking about, here is a link to Dr. James McKenna’s Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame.
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