Today was a “me” day - I had a day full of mommy time. What is mommy time? Mommy time is when daddy (or someone else) takes the children so you can go do whatever you want - see a movie, go shopping, whatever it is you want. You know your children are in good hands so there is no worrying. You’re reachable by cell phone if an emergency comes off. For a while you can take off your “mommy” hat and put on you “me” hat.
Why is mommy time important then? If you don’t take care of yourself, who’s going to take care of you then? You have to realize that being a parent, mother or father, takes a lot out of you emotionally, physically, mentally. It is easy to be burnt out, even if you have typically developing children. Getting out of the house, or spending alone time in the house, is important to recharge your battery so-to-speak. You must maintain balance in your family life and that starts with maintaining balance in yourself.
So what did I do today? I started off my day with a nice iced chai tea; its my special treat and I just love it. I then met up with two other mothers who are also Attachment Parenting International leaders to discuss plans for promoting attachment parenting and API in our community. After that I went to a BBQ being hosted by an automotive shop and a car club. Yup, a car club. I’m in a car club and love it. Its like my second family; I haven’t been out to one of their events in several months so it was great to see some very friendly faces again. They call me “Mommie” and most greet me with big hugs and ask about the kids. They really are my second family.
So if you are a parent and you have the opportunity to get out for some “you” time I highly suggest you take it.
Presumably in honor of National Autism Awareness Month, Nick News and anchor Linda Ellerbee will focus on the private world of children with autism. The show, to air on April 22 at 8:30pm ET/PT on Nickelodeon, is entitled Private Worlds: Kids and Autism. “Autism is not a mental illness. It’s not contagious, and it’s not a choice; and while kids with autism have been described as living in their own private worlds,” Ellerbee said, “they are also living in our world. Therein lies the challenge for all of us: How do we live differently together?”
Viewers will first be introduced to severely autistic fifth-grader Andrew; it will focus on Andrew’s inability to communicate his feelings and how his parents deal with it in their everyday lives. In addition to Andrew, Bond a 15 year-old with Asperger’s Syndrome, Matt a 14 year-old with “Savant Syndrome” and even Temple Grandin will be featured.
You can read the entire press release at: Private Worlds: Kids and Autism.
Today was a good day. My day started off with my husband getting the kid’s breakfast ready and I got to sleep in an additional thirty minutes; that right there is an absolute treat. He even took my son to school; he didn’t have to be in to the office until later in the morning and takes him in when he can. Unfortunately my kids don’t attend the same school, or even the same school district, so my mornings are busy shuttling the two to and from schools that are twenty miles apart. I had a little break and was able to spend some quality one-on-one time with my daughter before taking her to school. She’s only in school for two hours and my son is in school for two hours and forty-five minutes so that leaves me a whopping one hour and ten minutes alone in my house before I have to go run around to pick them up; first my daughter then my son.
Once I picked my son up from school we headed out to a local Chinese food restaurant, PF Chang’s, for lunch. Yes I am crazy taking a 5 year-old and a 3 year-old to lunch all by myself. However we were there right when it opened, the restaurant is usually quiet, and the lighting is subdued so I knew that neither of them would go into sensory overload and have a meltdown. Service is quick and we were in an out of there in 45 minutes with no meltdowns and only slight restlessness as we were preparing to leave.
After that I decided to head to the mall to do a little shopping; I wanted a new outfit for the upcoming Easter holiday. Ava was great and Alexander was a bit antsy; I had promised him some time at the indoor play area and he was getting impatient. He managed to hold it together until we made it to the play area. My son barely made the height cutoff but was able to play. As usual it was pretty busy but both of the kiddos had fun. Ava didn’t really seem to care about the other kids but always wanted to know where her big brother was stopping often and saying “Alex….Alex” - it was cute. I never showed her where he was, I always made her find him and she usually did. If she didn’t she’d come to me and wait until he came by and then she’d follow him off.
After about 45 minutes at the play area it was time to go to a physical therapy evaluation for Ava. Good news, she doesn’t need physical therapy. Thank heavens - shuttling the kids around to therapy appointments, school, doctor’s visits, etc is really starting to wear me thin. I’m looking forward to the summer when the kids won’t have school. We’ll get them involved in some fun activities so they’ll have something to do but it just won’t be so much. Of course therapy will continue but that’s not something I’ll ever complain about.
The April issue of Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research has published two stories confirming what has long been suspected; children with ADHD are at an increased risk for alcohol and other substance-abuse problems as they get older.
“Children with ADHD are believed to be at risk for alcoholism because of their impulsivity and distractibility, as well as other problems that often accompany ADHD such as school failure and behavior problems,” explained Brooke Molina, author for both studies.
The first study was on “Age Specificity” and found that drinking problems usually begin around age 15. “42 percent of those children with ADHD who also had serious, persistent behavior problems [later] had alcohol abuse or dependence by the age of 18 to 25.” Molina also says.
The second study was on “Life Stress”. “One of the reasons that children with ADHD might be at risk for alcohol problems is that alcoholism and ADHD tend to run together in families,” said Molina. “We found that parental alcoholism predicted heavy problem drinking among the teenagers, that the association was partly explained by higher rates of stress in these families, and these connections were stronger when the adolescent had ADHD in childhood. So, the bottom line is that when the child has ADHD and the parent has suffered from alcoholism, either currently or in the past, the child will have an increased risk for alcohol problems himself or herself.”
Very interesting studies, but they actually don’t have me worried. Neither my husband and I are alcoholics and no one that my son knows is an alcoholic. It isn’t being modeled for him so between the lack of alcoholics and the fact that good parenting will make a difference (yes I consider myself a good parent) I think that my son won’t fall into this statistical category.
This may sound weird but one thing I have come to learn in the past four months since my daughter’s diagnosis is that there is some divide in the autism community. There may be more than one division but the one that keeps coming back to me is the division of those who feel that autism can be cured vs. those who feel that it can’t. If you say a child has autism it leaves one thinking that there is an affliction that can be cured. If you say that a child is autistic then, in my opinion, it seems as though an acceptance has been made about the disorder and that there is no search for a cure.
This topic can get very heated, I have seem some very distinct arguments on both sides - both from the biomedical minded parents and those who have either tried biomedical interventions and have had it not work or those who after reading about them decided to go the more traditional route with therapies, etc. I typically fall on the crunchier side of things; that is to say that I like to look at things from a natural perspective. With my son we started out with dietary intervention and other non-pharmacological methods before we ended up going the route of a medical intervention. For him, and for us, that was the answer. With my daughter I have done a lot of reading about chelation, diet changes, healing the gut, etc and I have chosen to start with traditional methodologies - therapies, school, etc. This is not to say that I think any of the biomedical interventions are just a waste of time, that is hardly the case. I just haven’t come to that point in my journey where I am ready to accept that the biomedical route is for us. I am a firm believer in “to each their own”.
In roaming the web I found that the founder of the quite popular Autism Hub community has started a new message board for parents of autistic children. Did you catch how I said that? “Parents of autistic children.” Not parents of children with autism. Prior to my journey down this road I’d have not noticed the fine nuances of those two statements, but now they speak loudly.
Dictionary.com defines comorbid as:
pertaining to two diseases which occur together, such as ADHD and depression
and also as:
existing simultaneously with and usually independently of another medical condition
ADHD isn’t always seen alone, very often there are comorbid conditions present - from sensory processing disorder to autism spectrum disorders to anxiety. In my son’s case he presents with ADHD (primarily hyperactive/impulsive type), sensory processing disorder, and childhood anxiety. According to an article “ADHD with Comorbid Anxiety” by David Beck Schatz and Anthony L. Rostain “ADHD is often comorbid with anxiety disorders, with rates approaching 25% in many samples.” That means that as many as 1 in 4 people afflicted with ADHD also suffer from anxiety, that’s quite a high rate.
Now let’s pursue other conditions which are often found alongside ADHD. In my reading I saw mention that somewhere between 50% and 90% of people diagnosed with ADHD will be treated for a second condition at one point in their life. The more commonly diagnosed comorbid disorders are depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, learning disabilities, and oppositional defiant disorder. This makes me wonder what it is in these individual’s brain wiring or genetics that leaves them open to additional diagnoses above and beyond the initial diagnosis of ADHD. This also makes me wonder if my son has a more arduous road ahead of him then I initially thought.
Today was our last meeting with the psychologist and the results are in - it’s not Asperger Syndrome, it is Childhood Anxiety. She feels that when his anxiety manifests it can look very Aserpger-ish but he also has many non-Asperger traits. He scored “very likely” on the Asperger Syndrome Diagnostic Scale but she said the more she uses that tool the less she likes it. I have to agree. There are 50 questions and either you’ve seen the behavior, at any point in time, or you haven’t. Its very black and white but there are many shades of grey with children’s behaviors. Today she administered the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule Module 3 and in the communication realm he scored a 2 with 2 being the cutoff for Autism Spectrum Disorder. In the Social (I think she said social reciprocity) section he scored a 4 with 4 being the cutoff for Autism Spectrum Disorder. Overall his score was a 6 with 7 being the cutoff for Autism Spectrum Disorder. He told her several times he was nervous and that in her opinion it was his anxiety coming out that caused him to score as high as he did. He did use nonverbal gestures several times and used intonation in his voice to convey intent which are two very good things.
She has recommended play therapy, a social skills class, a few CDs called Indigo Dreams. The first is Indigo Ocean Dreams and the second is called Indigo Dreams. Evidently they are children’s CDs that help a child cope with stress, fear, anxiety, anger, etc. She has suggested that we listen to them a few times a day during non-emotional times so when an episode comes he is prepared and can listen to the CD and implement the strategies.
I am sad for my son that he has anxiety that is getting in the way of his ability to make friends, socialize, etc but I am thankful that we now know what is going on and can address the issues at hand.
Last night my parents watched the kiddos so my husband and I could have some quality time together. We went out together and were only gone about three hours but it was refreshing to have some time for just us. I recently heard a statistic that was quite frightening - something like 80% of couples of children with special needs end up divorced. When I married my husband I married him for life. We talked about this last night at dinner and can definitely see why; have children with non-typical needs is very stressful. My husband works approximately 70 hours a week plus he comes home and helps with the nighttime parenting. I am a stay-at-home-mom so can’t really count how many hours I work because I’m on-call basically 24×7.
I’ve been feeling really frazzled lately so last night was a nice getaway. I don’t know what is going on with my 5.5 year old but his behaviors are just getting worse. He is the most stubborn person I know. He’s beyond strong-willed, he’s beyond difficult, he’s beyond high-spirited - he is just Alex. Alex…is…a…handful. I love the kid dearly but I really want to figure out what’s going on in that little head of his so we can address some of these issues. Thankfully right now his ultra-stubborn and defiant streak hasn’t crossed over to the classroom but I know it is only inevitable - given enough time his at-home and out-and-about behavior is going to make its way to the classroom.
My daughter is also picking up on the defiance and stubbornness and has become a handful. She doesn’t have the ability to understand language well enough for me to sit down and talk to her about her new found behaviors so we just kind of have to roll with the punches. Her receptive language (the ability to take in language and understand it) it probably about 1.5 years delayed. For her we still do a lot of redirection, just like we’ve been doing since she learned to walk at 10 months of age.
All of the programs that have been on lately to celebrate National Autism Awareness Month have actually saddened me a bit. My daughter was diagnosed in November of 2006 and I went through the typical grieving stage. Then I bounced out and thought to myself “Hey, maybe my daughter is just a child with sensory processing disorder and language delays and she’ll lose the autism diagnosis one day.” Well reality has really set in this past week, it is quite clear that she is definitely autistic. She is not severely affected, and for that I am very thankful, but she is most definitely affected. I have been the rock for my family, being strong when they were all coming to terms with her diagnosis and now my little rock has crumbled. Thankfully all of my family is there for me and very positive about my daughter and her progress. Now its their turn to be my rock.
If you’ve made it to the end of this post I thank you. This is one of my “mutterings” type of posts - a brain dump so-to-speak. I speak what’s on my mind and get it out there, it makes me feel better in the end.
This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. For my daughter’s second birthday I bought her a bunch of really cool panties in characters I thought she’d love. She’s a girl, girls were easy to potty train I was told. One day we decided to go for it and put her in panties. At first she peed while sitting in her highchair eating breakfast and didn’t seem discomforted by it. So we put on a fresh pair of panties and a little bit later she was walking across the house with pee running down her leg and seemed absolutely oblivious to it all. I told myself “OK, she’s not ready, we’ll try again later.” Subsequent attempts ended in the same thing - a completely oblivious two-year old. My son wasn’t potty trained until 34 months of age so I’m definitely not one of those “rush to train” types. I figured I’d take her lead.
Flash forward 10 months or so and we realize that there is more to this potty training thing than we originally thought. Not only is my daughter developmentally delayed she also has sensory processing disorder and is of the sensory seeking type. The reason why she was oblivious to the messes she made was because she probably couldn’t feel them. If you can’t feel the sensation that you have to go then how can I expect you to make it to the toilet? If you can’t verbally, or non-verbally, express that you need to go then how can I expect you to make it to the toilet? The answer to both of these questions is I can’t. I have since taken a much more laid back approach to potty-training (or potty learning as I called it with my son). My daughter is on her own schedule, as she is with everything in her development, and when I see the signs in her we will go for it. Right now I’m thinking she’ll be day trained by about 4.5 - 5 years of age just based on where she is now.
There are a lot of resources on the web and in books with methods to potty training children with autism and other special needs but some of them just seem like an absolute chore for both the parent and the child. Check out these Potty Training Guidelines; in step six you are to keep the child on the potty until they are successful and that it could take 1-2 hours. I could certainly think of more productive things to do to help my child than sit on a potty for 1-2 hours. I’m not totally knocking the method because I’m sure its worked for many people, its just not the way I’d like to go about things. Talk to me when my daughter is 5 and not day-trained yet and I might be singing a different tune, but as it stands now this just seems like too much.
There is a book out there written entirely on this topic: Toilet Training for Individuals with Autism and Related Disorders . I haven’t read this book yet because my daughter is not ready for potty training - her bowel movements aren’t regular - heck she doesn’t even notice that she has them half of the time. She has no desire to sit on the potty. For now we’ll take our free diapers from the state and use them until she gets to a stage, developmentally, that she is aware of the pottying, can communicate the needs via words or her picture board, and is motivated to learn.
One of these days we’ll wake up and know its the day to start potty learning with my daughter. What I’ll have to remember to do is have some panties around that actually fit her, the little 2Ts that filled a beautifully decorated gift bag on her second birthday just aren’t going to cut it.
When I switched servers and blog providers this page destination changed. You can find the entire topic here: Potty Training A Child With Autism.
Thank you.
