I posted earlier today that I’m not in Chess Mom mode; Chess Dad took Alexander to his second chess tournament.  I received a happy call from Alexander after every game who proudly proclaimed that he lost but had fun.  The final round was supposed to start at 2:00 pm our time; the phone rings at 2:03 - surely the game wasn’t over that quickly!  Chess Dad asks “what does a full-point bye mean?”  I explained that Alexander had a bye for the final round and instead of the typical 1/2 point that is awarded in the event of a bye, Alexander was receiving a full point.

Translation:  Trouble.

For anyone familiar with Asperger’s Syndrome, you know that change is not exactly a welcome event.  Routine is the name of the game and this is most certainly the case with Alexander.  He had an expectation of playing four games.  This expectation is not happening.  What did happen, is a meltdown.  Chess Dad quickly called back and said “you have to talk to him, he’s freaking out” to which I hear Alexander yell “I’m not touching the phone!”  I told Chess Dad to put it into numbers; Alexander likes numbers.  I said to explain to Alexander that there is an odd number of players so every week someone gets to sit out.  If there are 99 children, there are only 49 games.  This week he’s special and gets a point for just showing up.  I then followed up with a joke - “If that doesn’t work, just carry him out of there.”  I guess that is only partially a joke as I’ve had to carry both of the kids (on separate occasions) out of places before.

I feel bad for Dave as he doesn’t have the thick skin that I do with regards to rude comments from onlookers.  Hopefully Alexander takes it easy on him and just has a mini-meltdown.

I somehow managed to talk my husband into taking my son to today’s chess tournament.  My husband does not like crowds and new situations.  We’ve played around with several online autism screening tools and he always scores quite high on the “maybe an Aspie” tests.  I even had him fill out The Ritvo Autism Asperger’s Diagnostic Scale that I picked up from Dr. Ari Ritvo myself.  Yup, scored really high on that one too hehe.  In my house, the apples don’t fall too far from the tree - or their dad in this case!

Anyhow, I digress.  Today I am not a Chess Mom - today my husband is a Chess Dad.  Good for him getting involved with the kids’ extracurricular activities.  Last week while the kids had dance class guess who was there by my side - yup, daddy.  He is a wonderfully involved dad and the kids idolize him.  He works long hours as a planner/engineer type for a local cable company; should he make it home before the kids go to sleep the second that garage door opens, the kids scream and come running.  That’s love!

So today I am not a Chess Mom.  Today I am a stay-in-my-pajamas-and-read-books-to-my-daughter mom.  I like this kind of mom, really quite relaxing.

Autism News Direct is reporting that Lowe’s is the first company to pull advertisements from Big Brother in light of Adam Jasinksi’s foot-in-mouth comment calling the autistic children he works with retards.  In the entry Lowe’s Pulls Advertisements From Big Brother After Jasinski Comment, a press release from Autism United announces that Lowe’s has pulled out and that plans are underway to work on other big name advertisers like Taco Bell, Saturn, and Geico. 

It is nice to see some action on the part of the advertisers, it would certainly be nice for CBS to come out with more than a simple statement about this.  A lot of people are comparing Jasinski’s comment to Don Imus’ “nappy-headed hos” comment that ended with his termination.  It will be interesting to see how the rest of this plays out in the media. 

My daughter has made tremendous growth since she was diagnosed the day before her third birthday.  In the past 18 months or so, she has gone from one word echolalia to 4-5 word spontaneous sentences.  She’s gone from no clue about when bodily functions occur to potty-trained during the day with only a few accidents a week.  She can drink from an open cup now and she can even write her first name.  Her expressive communication has gone through a big jump and her receptive has increased a bit as well.  If, however, you spend a bit of time with her you’ll quickly realize that there is more than meets the eye (no she’s not a Transformer hehe).

Her sentence structure is just all screwy.  Verb tense is off, pronouns are hokey, and sometimes the words she puts together just don’t mean anything.  Her understanding of what we say is also just way off.  She was discharged from occupational therapy in January and the therapist wrote that yes she could follow three-step commands with “minimal prompting.”  Over the last week I’ve probably tried 20 times to get her to follow a three-step command and without massive amounts of prompting, she didn’t get a single three-step command done.  The test example was “clap your hands, go to the door, and sit down”.  She’ll clap her hands and sit down or she’ll clap her hands then go to the door then forget what comes next.

My parents even worked with her on it and out of about six requests she completed zero.  No way does my sweet little girl follow three-step commands with minimal prompting.  She’s also likely to test out of speech therapy as well.  This is where I get concerned - she’s a “fall through the cracks” kind of kid; thankfully she’s in the kind of family that won’t allow that to happen.

She’s going to test out of speech therapy but her speech is still going to be completely wrong.  In my family we have bets as to whether she’ll test back in to speech in kindergarten or 1st grade; I’m guessing 1st grade and my mom has her money on kindergarten.  However in some families if parents were told “hey your kid’s speech is age appropriate and she can follow three-step commands” then they might leave it at that.  Fast forward a few years when the child is failing 1st or 2nd grade the parent might not realize that her child is actually delayed.  I think in education circles these children are called “slow-lows”.  My baby girl will NOT fall between the cracks.

I just received my google alert for “mindlessmommy.com” and noticed that my blog entries on Adam Jasinski were referenced in an article published on EOnline.  In an article called Another Big Brother Brouhaha by Josh Grossberg, he says:

The blog mindlessmommy.com has reported that the Website was only registered last December, just before Jasinski’s stint on Big Brother was about to begin.

The same article is also printed on Yahoo TV.

Woohooo, I R FAMOUS.  *laughs*

Thanks to Carol O. for posting this in response to “More on Adam Jasinski and the United Autism Foundation”

Good afternoon,

This email is an Official Apology for any and all irresponsible, misleading and unprofessional comments made by Adam Jasinski on Big Brother 9, a CBS Reality TV Show, about children and adults who have been diagnosed with Autism.

In the name of the United Autism Foundation, I would like to apologize for all disrespectful comments made by Adam Jasinski on Big Brother 9 to the entire Autism Community as well as all children, adults and families who are affected by Autism.

I am aware that Adam Jasinski hurt many people in our country, but please understand that Adam does not represent the United Autism Foundation with his personal point of views or his personal believes.

Please accept my apologies and please keep in mind that the United Autism Foundation is committed to help special needs children in order to improve our society today. UNIAF is committed to support our community, and we need your support to make a difference.

The United Autism foundation is not about Adam Jasinski - UNIAF is trying to create awareness in order to help and support all those who have been diagnosed with autism.

AGAIN, I AM SORRY AND I DEEPLY APOLOGIZE FOR THOSE COMMENTS MADE BY ADAM JASINSKI ON BIG BROTHER 9.

Respectfully,

Olaf Hampel
President
United Autism Foundation

Carol goes on to ask where the apology from Adam and CBS is plus what are our assurances that Jasinski is no longer associated with the United Autism Foundation.  Very good questions Carol.

 One thing that comes to mind is houseguests are completely sheltered from outside goings-on.  They have no access to any press so Adam Jasinski might not have a clue what is going on out here in the “real world”.

I have to say that I am happy about the amazing amount of traffic and buzz that this has generated.  I’m up to over 1000 visitors over the past two days and it is heartwarming to see the overwhelming support.  Thank you all for taking the time to comment here, write to CBS, etc.  Together, we have one loud voice!

The following was posted as a response in my More on Adam Jasinski and the United Autism Foundation entry.  I felt it was worthy of a front-page appearance so am reposting it, in its entirety, here.  Thank you Carol O. for sharing it.

“I want to tell you a quick story before I start. I was walking through hallways, not minding my own business, listening to the conversations around me. As I passed the front door on my way to my English classroom, I heard the dialogue between two friends nearby. For reasons of privacy, I would rather not give away their race or gender.

So the one girl leans to the other, pointing to the back of a young man washing the glass panes of the front door, and says, “Oh my gaw! I think it is so cute that our school brings in the black kids from around the district to wash our windows!” The other girl looked up, widened her slanted Asian eyes and called to the window washer, easily loud enough for him to hear, “Hey, Negro! You missed a spot!” The young man did not turn around. The first girl smiled a bland smile that all white girls - hell, all white people - have and walked on. A group of Mexicans stood by and laughed that high pitch laugh that all of them have.

So now it’s your turn. What do you think the black window washer did? What would you do in that situation? Do you think he turned and calmly explained the fallacies of racism and showed the girls the error of their way? That’s the one thing that makes racism, or any discrimination, less powerful in my mind. No matter how biased or bigoted a comment or action may be, the guy can turn around and explain why racism is wrong and, if worst comes to worst, punch ‘em in the face.

Discrimination against those who can defend themselves, obviously, cannot survive. What would be far worse is if we discriminated against those who cannot defend themselves. What then, could be worse than racism?

Look around you and thank God that we don’t live in a world that discriminates and despises those who cannot defend themselves. Thank God that every one of us in this room, in this school, hates racism and sexism and by that logic discrimination in general. Thank God that every one in this institution is dedicated to the ideal of mutual respect and love for our fellow human beings. Then pinch yourself for living in a dream. Then pinch the hypocrites sitting next to you. Then pinch the hypocrite that is you.

Pinch yourself once for each time you have looked at one of your fellow human beings with a mental handicap and laughed. Pinch yourself for each and every time you denounced discrimination only to turn and hate those around you without the ability to defend themselves, the only ones around you without the ability to defend themselves. Pinch yourself for each time you have called someone else a “retard.”

If you have been wondering about my opening story, I’ll tell you that it didn’t happen, not as I described it. Can you guess what I changed? No, it wasn’t the focused hate on one person, and no it wasn’t the slanted Asian eyes or cookie cutter features white people have or that shrill Hispanic hyena laugh (yeah, it hurts when people make assumptions about your person and use them against you doesn’t it?).

The girl didn’t say “hey Negro.” There was no black person.

It was a mentally handicapped boy washing the windows. It was “Hey retard” I removed the word retard. I removed the word that destroys the dignity of our most innocent. I removed the single most hateful word in the entire English language.

I don’t understand why we use the word; I don’t think I ever will.

In such an era of political correctness, why is it that retard is still ok? Why do we allow it? Why don’t we stop using the word? Maybe students can’t handle stopping - I hope that offends you students, it was meant to - but I don’t think the adults, here can either.

Students, look at your teacher, look at every member of this faculty. I am willing to bet that every one of them would throw a fit if they heard the word faggot or nigger - hell the word Negro - used in their classroom. But how many of them would raise a finger against the word retard? How many of them have? Teachers, feel free to raise your hand or call attention to yourself through some other means if you have.

That’s what I thought. Clearly, this obviously isn’t a problem contained within our age group.

So why am I doing this? Why do I risk being misunderstood and resented by this school’s student body and staff? Because I know how much you can learn from people, all people, even - no, not even, especially - the mentally handicapped.

I know this because every morning I wake up and I come downstairs and I sit across from my sister, quietly eating her Cheerio’s. And as I sit down she sets her spoon down on the table and she looks at me, her strawberry blonde hair hanging over her freckled face almost completely hides the question mark shaped scar above her ear from her brain surgery two Christmases ago.

She looks at me and she smiles. She has a beautiful smile; it lights up her face. Her two front teeth are faintly stained from the years of intense epilepsy medication but I don’t notice that anymore. I lean over to her and say, “Good morning, Olivia.” She stares at me for a moment and says quickly, “Good morning, Soeren,” and goes back to her Cheerio’s.

I sit there for a minute, thinking about what to say. “What are you going to do at school today, Olivia?” She looks up again. “Gonna see Mista Bee!” she replies loudly, hugging herself slightly and looking up. Mr. B. is her gym teacher and perhaps her favorite man outside of our family on the entire planet and Olivia is thoroughly convinced that she will be having gym class every day of the week. I like to view it as wishful thinking.

She finishes her Cheerio’s and grabs her favorite blue backpack and waits for her bus driver, Miss Debbie, who, like clockwork, arrives at our house at exactly 7 o’clock each morning. She gives me a quick hug goodbye and runs excitedly to the bus, ecstatic for another day of school.

And I watch the bus disappear around the turn and I can’t help but remember the jokes. The short bus. The “retard rocket.” No matter what she does, no matter how much she loves those around her, she will always be the butt of some immature kid’s joke. She will always be the butt of some mature kid’s joke. She will always be the butt of some “adult’s” joke.

By no fault of her own, she will spend her entire life being stared at and judged. Despite the fact that she will never hate, never judge, never make fun of, never hurt, she will never be accepted. That’s why I’m doing this. I’m doing this because I don’t think you understand how much you hurt others when you hate. And maybe you don’t realize that you hate. But that’s what it is; your pre-emptive dismissal of them, your dehumanization of them, your mockery of them, it’s nothing but another form of hate.

It’s more hateful than racism, more hateful than sexism, more hateful than anything. I’m doing this so that each and every one of you, student or teacher, thinks before the next time you use the word “retard,” before the next time you shrug off someone else’s use of the word “retard”. Think of the people you hurt, both the mentally handicapped and those who love them.

If you have to, think of my sister. Think about how she can find more happiness in the blowing of a bubble and watching it float away than most of us will in our entire lives. Think about how she will always love everyone unconditionally. Think about how she will never hate. Then think about which one of you is “retarded.”

Maybe this has become more of an issue today because society is changing, slowly, to be sure, but changing nonetheless. The mentally handicapped aren’t being locked in their family’s basement anymore.

The mentally handicapped aren’t rotting like criminals in institutions. Our fellow human beings are walking among us, attending school with us, entering the work force with us, asking for nothing but acceptance, giving nothing but love. As we become more accepting and less hateful, more and more handicapped individuals will finally be able to participate in the society that has shunned them for so long. You will see more of them working in places you go, at Dominicks, at Jewel, at Wal-Mart. Someday, I hope more than anything, one of these people that you see will be my sister.

I want to leave you with one last thought. I didn’t ask to have a mentally handicapped sister. She didn’t choose to be mentally handicapped. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have learned infinitely more from her simple words and love than I have from any classroom of “higher education.” I only hope that, one day, each of you will open your hearts enough to experience true unconditional love, because that is all any of them want to give. I hope that, someday, someone will love you as much as Olivia loves me. I hope that, someday, you will love somebody as much as I love her. I love you, Olivia.

Soeren Palumbo

Soeren Palumbo is a senior honors student at Fremd High School in Wheeling, Illinois, and big brother to Olivia. During Writer’s Week (in March 2007), he gave the following speech to a gymnasium full of his high school peers and faculty and received a standing ovation.

My two posts on Adam Jasinski -  More on Adam Jasinski and the United Autism Foundation and Adam Jasinski from Big Brother Sticks His Foot in his Mouth - have gotten an insane amount of traffic these past three days.  My blog has done more traffic in a single day than it has in the past month.  A few celebrity gossip blogs have also posted back to my entry describing the hastily thrown together website that was registered in mid-December 2007.

Jasinski is becoming more popular than he ever could have imagined.  Autism groups are up in arms trying to get an apology, etc.  The information is so juicy that TMZ.com has even picked it up - Autism Group to CBS: Fire that Retard!  You know you’ve made it to the big time when TMZ writes about you - congratulations are in order Jasinski.  You will go down in history as being an ultimate ass.

I knew I would never be a soccer mom; I tried the tee-ball mom thing for a season and that didn’t work out either.  As of today, I am officially a chess mom.  At the urging of the coach of the chess club at my son’s school, I took Alexander to his first chess tournament today.  He was in the K-3 under 600 category and come in as an unrated player.  His first match was against an adorable and equally shy little boy that looked to be 5.  About 20 minutes later Alexander came out and gave me a big hug.  He told me “I got checkmated.”  I asked if he had fun and he did; he wasn’t sad just happy to see me and said he was ready to go again.  So we waited for the second round.  Mind you we are out in the cold as there is no inside waiting area for parents.  I snuck away during the first round and purchased a chair at CVS and thankfully had a Spiderman blanket in the trunk of my car.

Round two and after about 25 minutes Alexander came out with a big smile on his faced and proudly exclaimed “I got checkmated again!”  Yay for the smile.  We went to lunch; it was a rather quiet lunch, anytime I’d try to engage him in conversation he’d tell me “I don’t know what to say.”  I told him no need to say anything we’d just enjoy our food.  We made it back early so to keep warm we engaged in a friendly game of chess.  The room he was in had 40 chessboards setup so we had our pick.  We chose an end spot and he chose white.  About ten minutes later, with a few helpful moves on my part, he had me checkmated.

The third round was the marathon round.  I thought he certainly fell asleep in the room and outside had it not been as cold I’d have nodded off.  Finally after 45 minutes he comes up and tells me that the round ended in a draw.  Fantastic, Alexander score 1/2 of a point!  We killed about 20 minutes talking to other parents and then the pairings for his last round were posted.  He was up against a boy who’s parents were the other ones there with a Spiderman blanket.  The parents and I chatted a bit as we had many things in common aside from the last-minute use of a fantastic Spidey blanket.  Their son was 0-3 for the day, he was also six, this was his first tournament, and he was also shy. 

About 30 minutes later the parents and I peeked in and noticed that the majority of the board was cleared.  The chess coach for Alexander’s school is the same for their school so he went in to give us an update.  He came out to explain that Alexander had a King and two Queens (thanks to a promoted pawn) and the other boy had a King but was on the run.  The coach explained that he would be surprised if it didn’t end in a draw as it is hard for beginner players to corner their opponent.  About five minutes later the other little boy came out with a dejected look and his face and Alexander was right behind with a smile - he ended up cornering his opponent and came away with a win.  One and a half points to Alex!

There is another tournament next week and then after that the state qualifiers begin.  The qualifiers are five game tournaments and as long as a child earns two points in a single tournament (there are five different ones) then they qualify for state.  I have added a new category to my blog - Chess.

It is official, I am now a chess mom.

Parents on the Autism-PDD Message Board up in arms

Adam Jasinski’s Profile on Reality TV World

Autismville post - Autism:  Brotherly Hate

KYW Newsradio Interview with Jasinski

Quote from Adam - “I am an alpha male. I’m pretty much self-centered. I love myself.”

Quote from Adam’s dad - “I really hope he wins, because he wants to give part of his winnings to the Autism Foundation.”

Here’s what I think, I think this “Autism Foundation” is a front for Jasinski to try and win the $500,000 Big Brother prize.  I poked around the net and found http://www.unitedautismfoundation.org - the UNIAF website at http://uniaf.org was just a storefront it seems and is registered and resolves to a location in Germany - uniaf.org was registered in April of 2007.  Unitedautismfoundation.org was registered on 12/15/2007 to an individual in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.  The projects, programs, events, get involved, be informed, and official supporter section of the website are not developed.  The About Us page is and includes the following information:

The United Autism Foundation is a corporation, which was only established to serve and improve our community in order to help children and change lives.

Corporation?  Interesting.  The “donate now” section of the unitedautismfoundation.org website is certainly working, how’s that for a surprise?  I’m not saying that the organization isn’t genuine but the shabby nature of the site, the fairly recent registration of the domain, and the timing of the foundation’s launch with the airing of Big Brother leads me to think that Jasinski isn’t doing this for the altruistic factor. 

I know there is a registry of reputable 501(c)3 organizations, I’ve researched them in the past, but I cannot for the life of me remember the link.  If you know it, I’d be interested in seeing if UNIAF is listed.